Living the life of adoption seems to evoke various levels of emotion. Depending on your perspective, the feelings of numbness, anxiety, vigilance, reflection, fantasy, hope, despair, loss, gratitude or rejection (just to name a few) can be a constant companion. Maybe reflecting upon the heart of adoption (the intent) would be helpful in understanding how the intent and the system (the way adoption is executed) are in conflict.

Isn’t adoption a path that is taken in the best interest of the child? Let’s start there. Do children seek adoption? No, never. So what is the motivation for adoption? One scenario is the biological family of the child feels unable to care for the child. There are many reasons why this might happen: economically unstable, difficult to consider single parenting, coerced by family, pressure from others, mentally unstable, low self esteem which translate in birthparents mind as unable to parent. So the reason to place is a difficult concept from the beginning. The child doesn’t “fit” into the life of the biological parent.

Another reason for adoption is that the birth family/custodial parent is incarcerated and unable to physically care for the child. Society then labels the “poor child” as needing a good home with good parents.
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